I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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