I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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