I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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