You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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