it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
