The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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