he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
do herpes really smell.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
