i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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