we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
