New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
