you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
