Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Too much gin, very little bucket
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
