I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Randomize
