You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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