Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
