Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
