just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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