You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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