Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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