: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
