i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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