You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
