I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
