I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
