Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
