There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
