I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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