were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
