Whod you bang
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
