you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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