After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
