I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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