Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
