she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
