When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
