At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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