At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
