His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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