im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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