Your face is a jimmy john
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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