I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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