i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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