3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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