That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
