Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(231): View more from Michigan

i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg

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(716): View more from New York

The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"

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(203): View more from Connecticut

we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint

(203): View more from Connecticut

i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you

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(517): View more from Michigan

All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'

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(+61): View more from Australia

one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".

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(313): View more from Michigan

Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.

(313): View more from Michigan

That's dedication to the game.

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