I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
