i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need moral support for this bender
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
