i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
