Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
