I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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