It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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