It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
