Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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