i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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