Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
