thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
