Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
