I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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