What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
