I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
