Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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