Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
