Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
