I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just gargled with NyQuil
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
