we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
