He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
