i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
