Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
