I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
