i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dignity is for republicans.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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