Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
