thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
