Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
