I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
