you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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