Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
