Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
