I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
