Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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