It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
