Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
