I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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