My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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