Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
