normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The best revenge is premature balding
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
